The Definition of a Saint

For my own use I am posting the program notes from the radio program Our Life in Christ. In addition to reading the Bible, the Orthodox are very familiar with the lives of saints.  The following program notes help explain why.  However, I have posted them, because I liked the definition of a saint. We are called to imitate Christ and the Saints…..it says so in the Bible. It is hard to imitate what you haven’t seen. The Orthodox venerate (honor) the saints.  We do not worship them.  We ask the saints to “intercede” for us in the same manner that we would ask a friend to pray for us.  Why? Because “…in Chist all shall be made alive” (1 Corinthians 15:22) and “God is not the God of the dead, but of the living.” (Mat 22:32).  I found this particular description of a saint so helpful, that I decided to post it here, so that I could find it easier. Program Notes January 23, 2005 Prayer to the Saints – Part 1: What is a Saint? PRAYER TO THE SAINTS PART I 1 Corinthians 11:1 Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ. 1 Corinthians 4:16 Therefore I exhort you, be imitators of me. Philippians 3:17 Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us. Philippians 4:9 The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. All Christians are “saints”, or “holy ones” (literal translation), which means “set apart”. All believers are holy ones in the sense of a status which is given to us by virtue of our baptism into Christ and receiving the Holy Spirit. But on the other hand we are called to be “sanctified” or “holy-ized” which is a work in progress, or a “state of being” which we strive for by eliminating sin and conforming ourselves to the image of Christ. We are commanded to “cleanse ourselves from all defilement of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.” (II Cor. 7:1). So holiness or being a holy one has also a sense of growth and progress. There are many passages that show us that certain people have progressed or exemplified themselves in this to the point that they can say “imitate my life as I have imitated Christ”. Thus a saint is a person whose life is exemplary, that the Church can point to and say: “Imitate that person because they imitated Christ in a way that is worthy of following.” A person is not so much “declared” to be a saint as “recognized” as having been a worthy example to believers who need examples of how to live the Christian life. The Orthodox Church does not have a “legal set of rules” or “qualifications” for sainthood, but through the testimony of those who knew the person and the quality of their life (or death in the case of martyrdom), we come to honor someone as a holy person who is worthy of emulation by members of the Church. Just as non-Christians gain inspiration and encouragement from reading about the lives of “secular heroes”, the Church gains inspiration through the reading of the lives of the saints, both those who are living and striving to the goal of Christ, and those who are departed and have “finished the race and kept the faith to the end.” In the saint there exists nothing that is trivial, nothing coarse, nothing base, nothing affected (fake), nothing insincere. In him is the culmination of delicacy, sensibility, transparency, purity, reverence, attention before the mystery of his fellow men…comes into actual being, for he brings this forth from his communication with the supreme Person (God). The saint grasps the various conditions of the soul in others and avoids all that would upset them, although he does not avoid helping them overcome their weaknesses. He reads the least articulate needs of others and fulfills it promptly, just as he reads their impurities also, however skillfully hidden and through the delicate power of his own purity, exercising upon them a purifying action. From the saint there continually radiates a spirit of self-giving and of sacrifice for the sake of all, with no concern for himself, a spirit that gives warmth to others and assures them that they are not alone. … And yet there is no on more humble, more simple, no one more less artificial, less theatrical or hypocritical, no one more “natural” in his behavior, accepting all that is truly human and creating an atmosphere that is pure and familiar. The saint has overcome any duality within himself as St. Maximos the Confessor puts it. He has overcome the struggle between soul and body, the divergence between good intentions and deeds that do not correspond to them, between deceptive appearance and hidden thoughts, between what claims to be the case and what is the case. He has become simple, therefore, because he has surrendered himself entirely to God. That is why he can surrender himself entirely in communication with others. The saint always lends courage; at times, through a humor marked by this same delicacy, he shrinks the delusions created by fears or pride or the passions. He smiles, but does not laugh sarcastically; he is serious but not frightened. He finds value in the most humble persons, considering them to be great mysteries created by God and destined to eternal communion with Him. Through humility the saint makes himself almost unobserved, but he appears when there is need for consolation, for encouragement or help. For him no difficulty is insurmountable, because he believes firmly in the help of God sought through prayer. He is the most human and humble of beings, yet at the same time of an appearance that is unusual and amazing and gives rise in others to the sense of discovering in him, and in themselves too, what is truly human. He is a presence simultaneously most dear, and unintentionally, most impressing, the one who draws the most attention. For you he becomes the most intimate one of all and the most understanding; you never feel more at ease than near him, yet at the same time he forces you into a corner and makes you see your moral inadequacies and failings. He overwhelms you with the simple greatness of his purity and with the warmth of his goodness and makes you ashamed of how far you have fallen away from what is truly human, of how far you have sunk in your impurity, artificiality, superficiality, and duplicity, for these appear in sharp relief in the comparison you make unwillingly between yourself and him. He exercises no worldly power, he gives no harsh commands, but you feel in him an unyielding firmness in his convictions, his life, in the advice he gives, and so his opinion about what you should do, expressed with delicacy or by a discreet look, becomes for you a command and to fulfill that command you find yourself capable of any effort or sacrifice…. Who ever approaches a saint discovers in him the peak of goodness, purity, and spiritual power covered over by the veil of humility. He is the illustration of the greatness and power of kenosis. From the saint there radiates an imperturbable quiet or peace and simultaneously a participation in the pain of others that reaches the point of tears. He is rooted in the loving and suffering stability of God Incarnate and rest in the eternity of the power and goodness of God….Dimitru Staniloae. The Experience of God, Holy Cross Press, pp. 232-234 What is a Saint? DEFINITION OF A SAINT: Let us all strive to be a saint and live in a way that we can honestly say (with all humility) “Be imitators of me as I am of Christ”!

© 2005 Our Life In Christ. All rights reserved.

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Beggars, enemies, and neighbors in our midst

How we treat beggars, our enemies, and neighbors is spoken of frequently in the Bible.  Sometimes I forget that this also should be applied to our family members.  Most mom’s can tell you that little kids are needy. However, I found the  verse below can be applied to them too (especially the part in bold print).  What I find interesting is that most magazines and self-help books will tell moms to put themselves first, teach the kids to be self-reliant, and to not feel guilty.  I’m not saying that boundaries shouldn’t be set, but perhaps that “guilty” feeling is an indication that we’ve turned the order of things upside down.

“But I say to you that hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To him who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also; and from him who takes away your coat do not withhold even your shirt. Give to every one who begs from you; and of him who takes away your goods do not ask them again. And as you wish that men would do to you, do so to them. “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the selfish. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful. “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you; good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For the measure you give will be the measure you get back” (Luke 6:27-38).

 

VasHelena

Getting into mischief

It is a tradition in the Orthodox church that each year we have our homes blessed after Theophany (the celebration of the Lord’s baptism).  With company coming, I had been up late preparing.  I was trying to “catch” a few minutes extra sleep.  Helena was playing quietly on my bed….to quiet.  She found the jar of  Vasaline  and proceeded to smear it on her face, the covers, and my sheets.  Vasaline may be fairly clear, but it sure doesn’t like to come out.

 

From Nostalgia for Paradise

This was just lovely.  I had to post it here. I have found that there are certain things that will, for lack of better words, “make my heart ache”.  This is one of them.

Dr. Alexander Kalomiros, author of the River of Fire and other well known Orthodox writings, offers these simple thoughts on the Orthodox Life. They are taken from the small book, Nostalgia for Paradise.

When the ascetical life of a Christian and the privations that he imposes upon himself are beyond the measure of grace that he has been given, a void is created in his soul. Either it will lead him to sin, or it will make him perverse, proud, hard, and unmerciful to his brothers. The wise man puts greater effort into positive virtues and less into negative virtues. Examples of positive virtues are prayer, worship, meditation, study, participation in the Body and Blood of Christ, love for God. In general, their action brings us into contact with God. On the other hand, negative virtues are activities such as fasting, self-denial and self-deprivation, abstinence, asceticism in general, and the “thou-shalt-not” kinds of commandments and rules that are essentially directed to ourselves. It is not derogatory to call these negative for, together with the positive virtues, they form the balance that makes up the spiritual life. If the soul is filled with the presence of God, no place remains for sin. The light casts out darkness by its own power without our effort as long as we keep the shutters of our heart open to it.

Do not seek to understand God for it is impossible. Simply open the door of your soul so His presence may fill you and illumine your mind and heart, warm your body, and enter your reins. Theology is not a cerebral knowledge but a living knowlege that is directly relevant to man and sustains and possesses the whole man. A cold, cerebral man cannot know and discourse on divine things, even if his head contains an entire patristic library. He who is not moved by a sunset, a tree, or a bird cannot be stirred even by the Creator of these things. In order to grasp God and be able to talk about Him to others you must be a poetic soul. It means that you must have a heart that is noble, sensitive, and pure. You must be as an ear that is turned to the whisperings of the Infinite, and as an eye that sees through the bottomless depths while all other eyes see only pitch blackness. It is impossible for timorous souls and stingy hearts to discourse on divine things.

The heart that grasps the mysteries is one that is naive enough to think all souls worthy of Paradise, even souls who may have drenched their heart’s life with bitterness. It is a heart that feels and sings like a bird, without caring if there is no one there to hear it. It rejoices over everything that is beautiful, everything that is true, because truth and beauty are two aspects of the same thing and can never be separated. It has compassion for every living thing that is animate or has roots, and even for every seemingly lifeless stone.

It is a modest soul that is out of its waters in the limelight of men but blooms in solitude and quiet. It is a heart free to its very roots, impervious to every kind of pressure, far from every kind of stench, untouched by any kind of chains. It distinguishes truth from false hood with a certain mystic sense. Its every breath offers gratitude for all of God’s works that surround it and for every joy and every affliction, for every possession, and for every privation as well. Crouching humbly on the Cornerstone which is Christ, it drinks unceasingly of the eternal water of Paradise and utters the Name of Him who was and is ever merciful. Such a soul is like a shady tree by the running waters of the Church, with deep roots and a high crown where kindred souls find comfort and refuge in its dense branches.

Such is the true theologian. If anyone wishes to be so named, let him be measured by this measure. Even he who simply wishes to be a disciple of such theologians must walk in their exact footsteps if he desires their words to be echoed in himself, and his eyes to see light.

 

The Difference Between East and West

I have a lot of wonderful friends who are not Orthodox.  Most have a Protestant or Catholic background. Occasionally I am asked about the Orthodox faith, but rarely does anyone want to know very much.  Most are just attempting to figure out if an Orthodox person is a Christian.  In the American south, the Orthodox Christian faith is not well known.  Once I answer a few basic questions, most  accept that we have some common ground, and never give much thought to our differences.   In fact some don’t know a difference exists.  Since a personal faith in our Lord Jesus Christ is the central dogma of the Protestant faith, I guess they figure the differences don’t matter much as long as we’re Christians.

However, from an Orthodox Christian’s perspective the differences are very large.  Yet in many ways it’s hard to explain.  Father Stephan Freeman recently republished an article about reading Scripture that illustrates the Orthodox way of reading scripture and how it differs from other denominations.  Father Steven is direct about the differences. This is not to offend, rather he is trying to be clear.  You can find Father Steven’s site at http://fatherstephen.wordpress.com.

Someone commented on the last post that “Icons do with color what Scripture does with words.” This, of course, the the formal teaching of the seventh ecumenical council. I offer a reprint of an earlier article I wrote entitled “How to Read the Church,” which understands the Church as the interpretation of Scripture. It’s another way of saying some of the same things I’ve been suggesting about Scripture and the Old Testament. I hope readers will find it of interest.

If, as I have wrtten, the Orthodox Church itself is the proper interpretation of Scripture – then one might ask, “How am I supposed to read the Scriptures if their interpretation is the Church?” It is a good, even an obvious question, but one which points us to the very thing at hand: the nature of interpretation.

In general usage, to speak of interpreting something is to speak of explaining and commenting and seeking questions of meaning. Of course, this presupposes that the answer to the question is something that can be spoken, explained, commented, etc. Thus, interpretation is seen as essentially a literary question.

I have taken my lead from two verses of Scripture – both of which illustrate how I am re-presenting interpretation. The first is St. Paul’s statement to the Christians in Corinth:

Ye are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read of all men: Forasmuch as ye are manifestly declared to be the epistle of Christ ministered by us, written not with ink, but with the Spirit of the living God; not in tables of stone, but in fleshy tables of the heart (2 Cor. 3:2-3).

And St. John’s description of Christ as the exegesis of the Father [John 1:18]:

No man hath seen God at any time; the only begotten Son, which is in the bosom of the Father, he hath declared (exegato) him.

(Exegesis is the technical term that theologians use when they speak of explaining a passage of Scripture.)

Thus the question can be pushed back and asked, “How are the Corinthians an epistle?” and “What does it mean that Christ exegetes the Father?”

In both cases the answer is not a literary event, but a matter of a life lived. Christ so exegetes the Father that He can say, “If you have seen me you have seen the Father,” (John 14:9). God did not make Himself known by giving us wordsthe revelation of God are sadly mistaken. Christians are not Muslims. Christ Himself is the Word of the Father and it is through Christ that we know God, not through the Bible. The Scriptures have their place of great importance and are an essential part of the life of the Church, but that place is precisely that of which I am writing. about Himself. Those who think the Scriptures are

The revelation of God to the people of Corinth is not to be found in St. Paul’s two epistles written to the young Church in that city, but in the Church itself. They are God’s revelation to Corinth, “written not with ink, but with the Spirit of the Living God; not in tables of stone but in the fleshy tables of the heart.”

If the people of Corinth do not see and come to know Christ in and through the Church, His Body, which has been established in that place, then Corinth will not know God.

Some of this goes to the very heart of the Church’s existence. It has become a commonplace in modern Christianity to reduce the Church to a fellowship of convenience, existing only to encourage and strengthen individual Christians (this is particularly true in Evangelical Christianity but has spread as a larger cultural understanding as well). Whereas the Scriptures speak quite differently of the Church.

The Church:

Is the Pillar and Ground of Truth (1 Timothy 3:15);

Is the Fullness of Him that filleth all in all (Eph. 1:23).

Is the very Body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12 and other places).

Is the Bride of Christ (Rev. 21:2 and elsewhere).

Such descriptions in no way fit an organization whose purpose is to encourage and strengthen individual Christians. The modern understanding of the Church is blasphemous in its denial of God’s own description of His Bride, His Fullness, His Body, the Pillar and Ground of Truth.

The Church is an epistle just as Christ exegetes the Father. Christ said, “For as the Father hath life in himself; so hath he given to the Son to have life in himself” (John 5:26). In the same manner, Christ is the life of the Church. The Church does not exist merely to speak words about Christ but to manifest the very life of Christ among mankind. The Church has no other life.

“Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory” (Col. 2:2-4).

Thus we do not “read” the Church as though we were reading a book. We “read” the Church as its life impacts and informs our own life. If we are part of the Church, then our life itself is to be increasingly the life of Christ, an epistle written on the fleshy tables of the heart. But this is not for us to do as individuals, for we cannot do this outside the Church and without the life that is lived by the whole Church. We do not Baptize ourselves.

The great challenge to the Orthodox Church in the modern world is to remain the Church, to be God’s faithful epistle to the world and not simply an exotic brand of modernized Christianity. For we are an epistle, written by the Spirit of the Living God, not an organization whose programs entertain the interested.

Let the dead bury the dead. The Church has to be about living a Life.

Please forgive me if the force of my writing in this post is in any way scandalous. I do not mean to cause someone to stumble, but rather to point the way to the truth of God’s Church and the place of Scripture within it.

 

Small Things, Big Things

When I was a kid, I wanted to be “special”.  I wanted to do something with my life.  I was raised in a Baptist church where there was a very large push to “do something” with your life for God.  It was driven home each Sunday that God had a plan for my life.   Of course, this sent me on a hunt for “my special talent, gift, or purpose”.  It was a hunt that would leave me feeling very mediocre at best.  I had fallen prey to believing you had to be the best at something or do big things to be successful.   Well I certainly don’t qualify as the best mom or wife and my typical day looks a little like this:

Clean the kitchen, laundry, morning chores, school, prepare lunch, clean the kitchen, school,  laundry, afternoon chores, cook dinner, clean the kitchen, evening chores, work on the computer, go to bed, …repeat.

Take several repetitive tasks, add some whining and complaining, mix in a dash of tantrum or attitude, throw in an exploding diaper for good measure and it’s easy to see why some mothers get “burn-out”.  The repetitive tasks aren’t hard, but the cumulative effect of several years of child rearing can leave a mom feeling “empty” if her mindset is set on “big things”.  Raising a child, may not be a prestigious job, but it’s a heck of  a “big thing”.  Only, this “big thing” is all about the “small things”.   How I react, teaches my children how to react. My attitude while doing my chores, influences their attitudes.  My kind or unkind words will generate the same.  Here is a post that I really enjoyed about “small things” .

It Is But A Small Thing… by Father Stephen

I have noticed in my daily struggle that most of the things that are of importance turn on very “small things.” The decisions that set me on the course of prayer or kindness are made not with fanfare or even large efforts, but on a moment’s turn. By the same token, the decisions that set me on a course of sin are often so small that I can hardly notice that they were decisions at all.

History books are written about large things – making the in between times in our lives seem insignificant and not worth much trouble. Generally, large decisions are made because we have reached an unavoidable crossroad – but a crossroad that would not exist except for many, even hundreds, of small so-called insignificant decisions.

Dostoevsky is correct that God and the devil engage in warfare and the battleground is the human heart. However, the battle is often fought in very small skirmishes. Brief encounters with the good and brief encounters with evil.

It is not true that the little things do not matter. It may well be that the little things are all we will ever encounter. It is true in every great battle. The historians write about large movements of troops and the effect of terrain – but those who actually do the fighting are aware of each stroke of the sword, of the difficulty of fighting wounded, or without food or rest.

By the same token, those who take up their prayers and beg for the mercy of God, may appear to be engaged in a very small thing. Yet prayer is never small. If it has gained the ear of the God of the universe, how can it ever be small?

No act of kindness is ever too small. No generosity of spirit is ever insignificant. No harsh word not spoken is a minor act of restraint. No effort of forgiveness is without value.

This is the day of salvation. It may come in a thousand discreet moments, every one of which is alive with the fire of God. May He gives us grace to know that all that we are, have and do, is truly great and worthy of every prayer and effort of grace.

 

Circling the Wagons

It has been a while since I wrote. It was a conscious choice not to write.  I needed to “circle the wagons” for a little while. There are several “life events” that are considered very stressful.  Our family has just come through one of them. My husband was out of work for five months, and I found it necessary to take a break in extra activities.   Frankly, I didn’t feel like writing. My emotions and feelings were a little frayed at the time, and I am a naturally “blunt” personality.  I might have written something that I would later regret.  Now I have the hindsight (which is always much clearer) to write about what I’ve learned through this experience.

Since I’ve been employed at home (i.e. a stay home mom) for the last eight years, I have always had this little nagging fear of “what would I do if my husband lost his job”.  There were all kinds of scenarios that would run through my head (probably due to an overactive imagination).  However, faced with the reality, my reactions were much different than I supposed. When my husband was “down-sized”, the lack of money wasn’t the hardest thing to deal with right away.   Instead, living all day with another adult in the house was the most difficult part.

Being a mom has given me a certain amount of freedom and flexability to schedule and run the household as I think is best. Notice, I did not say that I got to make the schedule the way I wanted to.  Like many moms,  I tend to schedule tasks to fit the sleeping, eating, and schooling cycle of my kids.  With my husband at home, the tasks that I scheduled or the way I chose to complete them were questioned, commented on, or sometimes disregarded.  You see, he too was accustomed to arranging his own schedule. However, his schedule did not revolve around a life with little-ones.  This was the first time that he was able to spend extended amounts of time with the kids. It was a learning experience….for all of us.

One of the things I learned from this was that my husband was “looking-in” from the outside and didn’t always see the “trial and errors” that I went through to adapt my schedule.  He would make suggestions that seemed more efficient, but only because he wasn’t the one actually doing it. My favorite example of this was his suggestion that I make ice tea by the glass instead of a pitcher at a time.  He figured we would drink less tea that way.  Of course, he would have been correct. The extra work involved would cause me to make less tea. However, while it was not a problem for him to make himself a glass of tea when he wanted one, I did not always have my hands free to make five glasses of tea (there are six in our family, but the baby doesn’t drink tea) for dinner.  Of course it worked the opposite way too.  Sometimes I was to close to the situation to see the obvious solution.  Learning to share “my sphere” of influence was somewhat difficult for me.

At the time, this learning process was a little to private to share in a forum such as this. I needed the time and distance to begin writing again.  My husband has now found another job that he is enjoying.  Glory to God.  Thanks for understanding.

 

Independence Day

Like many Americans we spent our Independence day at a BBQ and watching fireworks. It’s a lot of fun, and all the girls dressed patriotically. Independence is something very special to Americans… and to children. Sarah got her first taste of independence yesterday. She was invited to attend a birthday party….without her sisters. As you can imagine, this caused a little commotion and a lot of tears in our family. Nevertheless, I thought it was a good thing. My oldest has attended several parties, classes, and functions without her sisters due to age. The family that was hosting the party picked up all the little girls….in a limosene (the mom didn’t like SUV’s or minivans so they bought a limo…she thinks outside of the box). More tears. Sarah has been very independent since she was a baby. “I’ll do it myself” has been her motto for quite some time. She is also a little quieter than the other girls, so it was nice to see her shine without the competing “bright lights” of her sisters.

While Sarah’s adventure was good, I don’t think the American push to create independence in children at the youngest age possible is always beneficial….to the child. We push our kids to function independently very early so that we can send them away….to pre-school, Sunday school, baby-sitters, etc. When done at the right time, this benefits both the parent and the child. However, all to often this is done very early and the only one it really benefits is the person getting paid (the parent or the company). Capitalism should not make us forget family obligations.

America’s independence has been in jeporady for some time. Every election year, we put our independence on the line. There always seems to be one canidate running who wants to turn us into Europe…complete with government run healthcare, goverment paid college, big government rules, and bigger taxes. I wish the push that we put on kids to be independent would be redirected to teaching children the benefits of a country that values true liberty.

 

Slumber Parties

I had a nice visit with my friend Kim yesterday. We haven’t seen each other as regularly as we used to, because our paths in life are beginning to diverge.  Yesterday this was illustrated most painfully for Katherine. Kim’s daughter, MacKenzie (7 years), is having a slumber party tomorrow, and Katherine was invited.  However, Kim wanted to let me know that Katherine would be the only home-schooled child there, and all of the other girls tended to talk about boys….a lot.

I figured the slumber party would go a lot like this: They would talk about which boys they like, watch a movie, boys they want to kiss, eat pizza, boys they’d like as boyfriends, put on makeup, which stars they have crushes on, dress up, etcetera.  I wasn’t to enthused about this, but I didn’t give an answer.  I wanted to talk to Katherine first. I told Katherine my concerns, and she agreed that the slumber party was not a good situation. She was fine with not going until she found out that Sarah had been invited to a party on Saturday that she wasn’t invited to.  Missing two parties was more than she could handle. She cried and tried to find a way to make the slumber party more palatable. I reminded her that even she thought she’d be uncomfortable with all the boy-talk. In the end I agreed that we’d arrange a slumber party for her since this one wasn’t our cup of tea. Boy, if eight is this bad….what will 13 be like?

 

Family Friendly TV Favorites

Every so often, I have to search for something that is family friendly to watch. We live where TV reception is minimal to none (remember I live in the woods). We don’t watch enough TV to warrant paying for satellite. The cable lines stop about two miles away. Nevertheless, our family enjoys a show or movie about once a week. Over the years, I have found that we have different standards as to what is appropriate for children. My list is based on our religious beliefs,the ages of our children (eight and under), the morals and values that we have, and the maturity level of our kids. Some of the items may require a little “editing”. Others may require a good deal of discussion. We don’t mind a good “shootem-up-bang-bang” if there’s no real gore. I’m not a big fan of “teenage love/princess stories”…like Disney. I have placed ages next to some that may be to scary or intense for the younger kids. I also don’t like rude attitudes shown to my kids at this point. With four girls, why give them an example of rude attitudes! I’m sure I’ll forget things. Perhaps you’ve run across something I should consider…feel free to comment. Most of my choices are old shows, since we have to buy shows to view them. One last thing, since my kids don’t watch a lot of TV, they are not “used” to it. I have to edit things that some parents would feel are acceptable. Here’s the list…in no particular order.

Pride and Prejudice the movie

Pride and Prejudice A&E mini-series

Sense and Sensibility

Emma (I’ve only seen the Gwenneth Paltrow version)

Clifford the Big Red Dog

Karate Kid I (language editing)

Lord of the Rings (Trilogy) (7+)

Star Wars (original) (7+)

Scooby Doo (original)

Leap Frog learning series

John Wayne ….lots of them…

Narnia (1st movie…I haven’t seen the 2nd)

Ever After (version of Cinderella w/ Drew Barrymore)

Heidi

The Andy Griffith Show

The Ten Commandments (Charlton Heston)

Murder She Wrote

Arthur (public television cartoon….some editing for attitude)

A Knight’s Tale (editing of “kissing” scene)

Harry Potter (1 and 2 only) the rest have to much “teen” attitude

Wizard of Oz

The Wiz (a little more scary than the original, but with fun music)

Knight Rider

MacGuyver (a little on the “green”-side, but okay)

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the old one)

Swiss Family Robinson

Sound of Music

Babe (edited out the beginning)

The Nutcracker Ballet

Ostrov (The Island)

Matlock

My Fair Lady

The King and I

The Waltons (Thanks for reminding me Abigail’s mom!)

Hatari (John Wayne catching animals for the zoo, cigarette smoking talk needed)

The Great Escape (Historical film w/ great actors)

*I will occasionally update this list as we find appropriate things to add

 

Unsocializing demographics

Yesterday and each Friday, is our park day.  We had a great time; we spent the entire day with friends. We spent the morning at the park (socializing with other home-schoolers), then had a play-date with another homeschooling family. No I am not forcing my children to only interact with people of like-mindedness with ourselves (I can already “hear” the arguments coming).  I cannot control who comes to the park. Today only home-schooling children or the very young were out playing.  Besides, the other homeschooling families in our groups would hardly be considered as “like-minded” with one another.  Our particular group is “multi-denominational” (not non-denominational) Christian.  However, our religious beliefs are so various, that we cannot really consider religion as something we have in common. Lutherans, Baptists, Catholics, non-denominational, and of course Orthodox are all socializing together. Some of our group members are politically far left, some are far right, we have “crunchy-cons”, and independents. There are those who lean towards unschooling methods all the way to classical schooling. We are soccer moms, professional moms, army moms, stay-home-moms, moms who’ve had a “civilian” career, and moms who have not. While all the moms in our group share homeschooling in common, it is about the only thing we really share in common. The wonderful variety of people at the park….gotta love it.

 

Where My Scattered Thoughts Abound

In remaining with my original intent to have a place to write, store, and share ideas that interest me, I beg your indulgence. I often read Father Steven Freeman’s blog www.fatherstephan.wordpress.com called Glory to God for All Things. Recently, he wrote a post that touched me. I responded to the article with a question. A portion of the article and the question and answers are posted below for my benefit. If you would like to read the entire article (titled Scattered Thoughts) and the rest of the comments, Father Stephan’s link is in the blogroll. -Dominica

According to the teaching of the Gospel and the Scriptures, the mind works naturally only when it is united with the heart. Mind and heart are naturally joined together when the fire of contrition is in the heart.

Archimandrite Zacharias in The Enlargement of the Heart.

I’m certain that my experience of prayer is similar to that of most of my readers – a struggle to pray with a scattered mind. To read of the return of the mind to the heart is to know how far my prayers are from where they should be. It is also a realization that to “love the Lord with all your heart, soul, and mind,” is virtually impossible in such a scattered state. We lack the wholeness to make such an offering.

The desire of my heart is to not forget that there is such a thing as a mind united to the heart. My desire is to settle for nothing less. There is an emptiness in theology when it remains only a recitation of ideas and a fantasy of the imagination.

Thus, when I speak of a fullness (as I often do in my writings), I speak of something that belongs to God and can only come to man as a gift. There is a fullness in the sacraments of the Church, though in our scattered state we approach that fullness only with faith – with a hope for what we do not yet see. There is a need for steadfastness in that hope – a steadfastness that refuses to turn aside for something less.

We have been promised heaven – indeed I believe the union of mind and heart is a place where that promise begins to be fulfilled. Thus I will not turn aside for something else – whether argument or curiosity. For the fantasies of our scattered thoughts are not the stuff of reality – only the stuff of delusion.

There are moments of clarity – even for those whose most common experience is a scattered state. These moments come as flashes – sometimes in the Liturgy – sometimes in prayer – sometimes in very unexpected places. The flashes themselves are gifts – small insights that call us to remain steadfast and not to turn aside from hope.

Robert Says:
June 30, 2008 at 12:44 pm

Fr. Stephen I am not sure if I fully understand the concept of a scattered mind. Perhaps you can explain a bit more? By scattered you mean distracted? Or “carnal”? In what sense is the scattered mind wrong, or useless? Wherein lies the distinction between the heart and the mind? “Return the mind to the heart” – does this not presume the heart needs to be in a good place? Is there such a thing as a distinctively Orthodox understanding of the mind and heart?

fatherstephen Says:
June 30, 2008 at 10:14 pm

Robert,

Yes, there is a distinctive Orthodox use of these words, which was once a common vocabulary, East and West, but became largely lost and forgotten over the centuries in the West for a variety of reasons.

The term “mind” I am using here for the “rational” part of who we are, that which processes sense data, etc. Heart I am using for the Greek “nous” which is more our Spiritual Perception that more or less intuitively knows God, right and wrong, etc. In the Orthodox understanding there is something of a fracture between these two as a result of the fall. In addition the “nous” or heart, is clouded and does not perceive as it should.

Generally the classic path in Orthodoxy, which was modeled on the original pattern of preparation for Baptism is: purification, illumination, deification (which is synonymous with the whole of salvation itself). If our hearts were pure, not clouded, we would “see God” as Christ taught in the Beatitudes.

Repentance and humility, as a way of life, are generally descriptive of the path a Christian should follow as we make our way forward. All of that coupled with the constant remembrance of God, thanksgiving in all things, and the life set forth in the Church and her sacraments.

That’s a very short description for something that should take volumes to describe. But I hope it’s helpful or clarifying.

To a certain degree, much of modern Protestant thought has tended to “externalize” the entire question of salvation in a misunderstanding of justification. Perhaps two of the best Protestant books ever written on the inner life are the classics Holy Living and Holy Dying by Jeremy Taylor (Anglican). Though his Holy Living has a bit of a moralistic tendency than you would find in classic Eastern works on the inner life – it is still a valuable read. They were translated into Russian at some point and enjoyed some success there.

 

Salt Water Pools

This weekend we attended the birthday party of a friend (in the blogroll as www.familyofblessings.wordpress.com). It was a wonderful pool party, the weather was perfect, and we had a lovely time. Abigail made a beautiful cake (almost to pretty to cut). The kids and I were really looking forward to swimming. This was Helena’s first time in a pool. Once I submerged my head under the water, I found that I was having a first experience too. It was a salt water pool. I had never heard of one, but I liked it. Salt water pools use salt to make chlorine, but the water is much softer. My hair and skin, and eyes were not irritated or affected by swimming. In fact my hair felt very soft. Katherine liked that it didn’t hurt to open her eyes under the water. I’m sold. Too bad Wal-mart doesn’t sell them…yet!

 

Mentors

It is almost accepted that boys need men to emulate and learn from. Women alone just don’t seem able to make a man. While it doesn’t always have to be the father that a boy learns from, it seems to take a man to make a man. I think this same thing holds true for women too. Women need guidance as our roles change from daughters and sisters, to wives and mothers. These role-models often appear in our lives as mothers but also as aunts and friends. Since women tend to be more social and surround ourselves with friends this is often overlooked. Today I had the very great pleasure of entertaining one of my mentors for a brief visit. The Klause ladies are wonderful friends, and I have learned so much about femininity, motherhood, faith, and balance from Mrs. Klause. Her friendship has truly been a blessing (and sometimes a needed “kick in the pants”). Though we now live a little to far away to visit regularly with each other, we visit each other’s blogs. You can find hers at www.clothedwithscarlet.typepad.com. She is always “into” something cooking, sewing, crafts, and more.

 

Chew With Your Mouth Closed

There was a kissing scene in a movie that I was watching with the girls. The older two did the typical “yuck/ick”. While Elizabeth asked, “Mom, why is he chewing her face?”

This is a picture of Elizabeth before she turned one (she’s now three). She’s “chewing” on her friend Nicholas.

 

Fat, Bald, and Toothless Lady

Our country is fairly obsessed with it’s looks. Our self images are often derived from comparisons with famous people in magazines or on televisions. Women in particular are targeted. Women have been sold the idea that beauty is young, skinny, perfect, and sold in a bottle. Beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes. There is beauty in every person if you look for it, because everyone is made in the image of God (whether they like it or not). Here is a picture of our very own beautiful fat, bald, and toothless lady.

 

Until….

The following excerpt was written by Diane Hopkins and the entire article is posted at http://www.lovetolearn.net/policies/baby.lasso

How to be a Christlike person is the most valuable lesson a child could ever learn! The lesson is learned moment by moment; watching a parent being patient, handling frustration with kindness, pressing on for the goal in spite of numerous interruptions, valuing each child’s needs regardless of inconvenience. That valuable insight–how Mother handles the baby is the real lesson–has dramatically changed how I view my home school. I am teaching foremost my values: godly character, kindness, respect for others, individuality, sacrifice and a host of other Christlike attributes. Teaching them reading, writing, math, etc. is very important to me but my perspective has been altered. “Mimic me, follow me and I will show you the way a Christlike person acts and what he values”. That is the message every parent relays to their children whether they are aware of it or not. Children try to copy everything anyway (our mannerisms, our daily activities, etc.). We must be certain that we are providing a correct pattern for them to copy, not only in our daily activities but in our attitude, our tone of voice, and our facial expression. We need to conduct our lives so that we can say “follow me”. If our children are to “buy” our values, what a tremendous responsibility we have to make sure we are living our best so the lesson is clear and well learned! What more could you ask for from your homeschool than to produce Christlike people?!

I’m an organized and structured type personality, though I often desire to be more creative.  I have my lists and schedules down to a science.  If you read this list during Great Lent, you know that I was working on certain “bad habits” that had crept into my relationship with the kids. I realized what Diane expressed so well, that reading, writing, and math are important, but not more important than the example I give. Many of the errors that I correct with the kids, started with me. If their tone of voice is sharp, then my own is probably sharp too. It can be very humbling (and funny) to see your children imitate you. Good habits such as reading and hobbies (I like to garden) are also learned by an observant child. It is tempting to put off doing the things I enjoy “until”….until the house is clean, until the kids are older, until dad can come, until we finish “x,y,or z”, until the kids are asleep, until school is done, etc.  Putting off fun projects has become a bad habit.  I do this frequently waiting for a day “until…”.  By doing so, I miss the chance to give the girls a good example. Parents are often told to “catch your child doing something right”.  It seems to work both ways.  Go do something fun….the kids are watching.

 

Neither Too Gentle Nor Too Kind

Father Stephen had the following quote from Saint Seraphim of Sarov posted on his blog today. When I saw it, I knew it should have been a part of my Lenten Challenge. I am a fairly direct person (some would say blunt…and they wouldn’t be wrong) and I have a military background.  Those two things in tandem leave me with a tendency to be less gentle and kind with my family members than I ought to be. By the way if you haven’t been reading Father Stephen’s blog lately, you are missing out on some great articles.

You cannot be too gentle, too kind.

Shun even to appear harsh in your treatment of each other.

Joy, radiant joy, streams from the face of him who gives and kindles joy in the heart of him who receives.

All condemnation is from the devil. Never condemn each other…

Instead of condemning others, strive to reach inner peace.

Keep silent, refrain from judgment. This will raise you above the deadly arrows of slander, insult, and outrage and will shield your glowing hearts against all evil.

 

Mother’s Day

My mom’s a strong woman (that’s her in the picture).  She raised me, and I’m a strong woman. I didn’t have to rebel against my mom nor follow to closely in her shadow. She let me find my own way, and didn’t fret much when my own choices took me down “the path less traveled by”.   I’ve never been one to “follow the crowd”, and she’s been my defender;  quietly quelling the comments from well-meaning people who thought my choices of religion, family, and schooling were a bit unusual.    My mother is a unique personality, and I wouldn’t be the woman that I am without her.  Happy Mother’s Day mom.

 

The Final Challenge…Late but not forgotten

My final challenge was to simply be more openly affectionate and loving. This may seem simple to many of you, but for me it is not something that comes naturally.  Growing up, my family tended to do more “acts of service” to demonstrate love and affection for one another.  It is easy for me to hug and kiss all over the little ones, but as the girls are getting older my own awkwardness is surfacing.  It is outside of my comfort zone to give great big squishy hugs to people.  However, this is something that I always admire in other people and families. No better time like the present to start admiring it in my own family.

 

Paschal Greetings!

Christ is Risen! Christos Voskrese! Christos Anesti!
Truly He is Risen! Voistinu Voskrese! Alithos Anesti!

Our family is still recovering from a wonderful Pascha (Orthodox Easter). We have always taken the girls to the church celebration. I decided long ago that I didn’t want to miss Pascha. If I hired a babysitter, I would be exhausted but the kids would be ready to play. Therefore, we all go to Pascha, and we all sleep late. So far none of the kids have ever fallen asleep during the Paschal service once they reach toddler age (the service starts around 10PM and last until about 3AM). Towards the end, I might have enjoyed it had my three year old fallen asleep. She wasn’t to happy about how long she had to wait for communion. If there was a small pause in the service, she would quickly fill it with, “Are we done yet?” She quickly perked up when it was time to eat! Christ is Risen! Truly He is Risen!

 

Holy week’s challenge

For those who are following along on the Lenten Challenge, I apologize for missing last week. I can only ask for your prayers as our family is having a large test of faith.  The final challenge will be posted for Bright Week.  Since we are having a few difficulties, I have decided that this week’s challenge is to be more affectionate and loving. I have noticed that many of the bad habits that I’ve developed with my family members could easily be resolved with more love. After all, love doesn’t complain or criticize, love speaks with a good tone of voice, love helps when asked, love spends time playing with the kids, and love is affectionate.   I have recently admired moms and “tween” daughters who were openly affectionate with one another.  I don’t openly show affection readily, so this week’s challenge is more difficult for me than it may sound.

 

Under attack, under our noses

It’s common to hear parents say that childhood and children are under attack. Advertisers target our children with toys, candies, and other things. This is all “common knowledge”. It’s so common, in fact, that we have stopped paying attention to it. What isn’t commonly noticed is who is really under attack. Girls are the target, at least for now. The list of teenage female idols is growing. Advertisers aren’t selling candy and dolls to our little girls. They aren’t even selling clothes and makeup (but they use it). What they are really selling is an image, an idea. They are selling the desire to be popular, cool, and fashionable. They don’t have to advertise sexy clothing, they just make nothing else available. Katherine moved out of the little girl sizes this year, and we had to buy new clothes. The clothing and television shows marketed to little girls is scandalous, yet parents buy the clothing and allow the shows. I guess they feel it’s to hard to go against the crowd. Most moms agree that they would do anything for their children. There’s no better time to prove it. I don’t bother trying to make a statement to manufactures and Hollywood, they don’t care. I would rather make a statement to my daughters that I love them and care more about their soul than their popularity.

 

This Week’s Challenge

Tonight after we finished reading the Canon of Saint Andrew (we broke it up throughout the day), we gave the girls some cookies (they deserved a treat).  While sitting at the table with Sarah and Elizabeth, I told them, “You guys are pretty cool.” Sarah looked at me and said, “Why aren’t you?”.  I admit that I wasn’t to happy about not being cool to my 5 year old. I asked her why she thought I wasn’t cool. She said I was a little bit cool, but I didn’t swing with them or do fun stuff.  UGGG.  I know it’s been a while, but I didn’t think I’d loose my cool status that fast.  When I looked on my list of things I wanted to work on it was timely that the next objective was: spend quality time with the kids.   I’m with them all the time.  They cook and clean with me. We do school together.  We go everywhere together.  We read books together, but somehow this has not translated to fun time. I have to admit, I agree. Oh we have fun cooking, cleaning, driving, and doing school, but it isn’t the same as a good pillow fight.

 

Half Way There…4th Week’s Challenge

We are half way through the Lenten season.  I’ve done better in some areas than others, but I’m still not where I’d like to be.   I’ve noticed that I tend to refer the little ones to their big sisters, if I’m involved in something. Since this isn’t what I’d like to teach the girls, I guess I should improve upon it myself. This week’s challenge is to help, joyfully, when asked.  Unless there is a legitimate reason for the kids not to help, I expect them to help when asked with a good attitude.  This must then be the same standard for myself.

 

3 rd Challenge-Watch Your Tone of Voice

How many times have mothers repeated the phrase “Watch your tone of voice.” or some variation? I have four girls, so it is repeated at least a couple of times a week at our house (I think girls are more prone to voicing “attitude” than boys). Part of the reason this phrase is used so much at our home is my own fault. I have not always set a great example. This week’s challenge is to control my tone of voice. I am still continuing to work on the previous two challenges. Although I have made changes, there is still much room for improvement.

 

Those first smiles

In the quiet of the night, I get to see what all others miss,

Those first smiles.

Smiles that are reserved for just mother alone.

Smiles that erase weariness and frustration.

A spontaneous outpouring of happiness and joy from one so small,

Washes away all other feelings

And one is left with overwhelming love,

And a smile.

-Dominica

 

Tattling

A writer on one of my yahoo groups asked what our rule for tattling was. After posting our family’s rule, she then asked why I thought tattling was wrong.

In our house our tattling rule is:

If it didn’t hurt anyone or anything, you don’t tattle. (Mom will find out for herself)

If you tattle, you have to apologize to the person you tattled on.

I’ve explained tattling to my kids this way:

1. “Tattling is wrong because you are trying to make yourself
look good by making someone else look bad. We should try not
point out other people’s sins, because we all sin.”…. get the
beam out thy own eye…..

2. We treat people the way we’d want to be treated… “If you
did something wrong that didn’t hurt anyone or anything, would
you want someone to tattle on you?”

3. Tattling is a form of bossiness. A child who tattles or
threatens to, is using the parents to get their way. “I am the
mom and I have eyes. If someone does something wrong that
doesn’t hurt anyone or anything, you don’t tell. I will find out
for myself. If I don’t find it, don’t worry God sees it.”

 

Memory Eternal!

Dear Brothers & Sisters in Christ,

On Sunday morning, which happened to be the Sunday of Orthodoxy, the Primate of ROCOR Metropolitan Laurus passed to the Lord at Holy Trinity Monastery in Jordanville, New York.

 Memory Eternal! Vechnaya pamyat’!

 

2nd Week’s challenge

My husband summed Lent up quite nicely:

Lent is an opportunity to begin to throw off the universal impulse to justify one’s actions, to learn to apply increased strictness with oneself alone, but increased kindness,gentleness, [and] patience for all others. (Hopefully these don’t end with Lent, but Lent is an annual “wake up” call/invitation to acquire new [and] better habits of thought,feeling, [and] action.)

Last week I worked on getting back on schedule. I was partially successful. I use the schedule to make sure I “get in” the important things. This week I will continue to work at getting and keeping us on schedule, but I will also add the next challenge.

It is easy to catch my kids doing something wrong. This week’s challenge involves catching them doing something right. This week I am going to work on not complaining or criticizing when something is wrong (after all I don’t want them complaining and criticizing). Instead I am going to compliment what was done right and ask for what I want. For example: “You did a good job making your bed. I would like you to please put away the milk.”